The only things that really matters in this world are the relationships you have with the people you love, and the meaningful things that you do. Haters don’t fit anywhere into that. Don’t devote any mental space to them.1
– James Altucher, Choose Yourself
One thing I can’t stand about the Personal Development space is running away from criticism or automatic dismissal of criticism as “haters.” You’ll hear generic platitudes such as “a person on their mission doesn’t have time to criticize others” or “criticism always comes from below, never above.” Bullshit! These people have such paper-thin egos that they feel they’re above all critique. Most times, people deserve the criticism they garner. Most times, people who do and say stupid things are so blind that they allow their biases and echo chambers to distract them from it. No one on this planet should be immune from criticism. You’re not above critique if you’re a public figure or put your art or content into the public sphere.
Whether you like it or not, the internet gives everyone a voice. That includes any anon account with a cartoon avatar. There are indeed plenty of people who love to troll and heckle from the cheap seats. Many people send “hate” because they’re jealous of other people’s success. However, if you aren’t willing to accept that, don’t put yourself out there. Being afraid of critique is cowardice. Even your biggest fans and supporters won’t like everything you say. It comes with the territory. Ignoring all comments or believing you’re above criticism is childish. People get a few thousand followers/subscribers on social and all of a sudden, they suddenly start sniffing their farts.
Hitting “publish” and putting yourself out into the public sphere for consumption is the real game. If you’re a public figure or put creative work into the universe, you must accept that people will not always like your work. People will disagree with you. Some people will hate you for your views, your opinions, or simply because they are jealous. Don’t run away from criticism – lean into it and learn how to use it to your advantage. There’s a good chance of some good feedback for improvement within your comments section.
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I Never Read My Comments
Joe Rogan has quipped on multiple occasions, “I don’t read my comments section or my tweets.” Lies. How do you run a successful business or online brand and not listen to customer feedback? How do you know your product or service is that good? Just because a podcast gets one hundred million impressions monthly doesn’t mean it will always be that way. People are fickle, and tastes are constantly changing. Do you hire a public relations team to handle your comments section? What if someone has a legitimate observation that will make your product or service better? Maybe if he read his comments and tweets, he’d learn that the Spotify video player sucks. He’d also learn that paying for Spotify premium means people don’t want ads. He’d also learn you shouldn’t put seven unskippable “live reads” at the beginning of your show. One of the things I can’t stand about modern comedy is that comedians use their art form to funnel fans to their podcasts, where they make thousands of dollars an episode from ad revenue. There hasn’t been a good comedy special since Carlin was alive, but that’s an argument for a different article. Check out The Tao of Mikey Gouffet for my views on the death of modern comedy.
There’s a difference between waging war with autistic people in a YouTube comments section and using constructive criticism to better your products and services. Intelligent businessmen and content creators understand this. From a business or entrepreneurial standpoint, determine if any commentary, criticisms, or feedback you receive are from customers or just random people. Next, ask yourself, “Are these people trying to help me improve my product/service? Or are they miserable people who waste time arguing with strangers all day?” I love being a troll, and engaging in light teasing online is fun. I understand that by publishing my writing, I’ll have to deal with the same thing. For my own sake, I hope I handle things better than some public figures.
To believe you’re too good to read your comments or emails is bullshit. No one believes you. You often sound out of touch for not even trying to relate with your audience. I can respect that most create are too busy to always respond to emails or DMs. However, I guarantee that anyone who puts their creative work into the world is missing valuable feedback by sheltering themselves from comments.
This reminds me of the South Park episode “Safe Space”, where Cartman hires Butters to hide all his mean comments on social media.2 Rogan must walk around all day making Jamie read back his positive comments, saying to himself, “Wow, people are stoked on me!” Some famous comedians, such as Dane Cook, have their Instagram set so that only people they follow can comment. People are so thin-skinned they can’t decipher constructive criticism from “haters.” By avoiding negative feedback, people create echo chambers by only following people with the same world views. I can’t imagine how boring their lives are when they are only surrounded by people who like, think, and believe the same things they do. Boring! Variety is the spice of life. Confirming biases and surrounding yourself with praise will never force you to grow as a person. If you’re doing this right now, I challenge you to seek out some opposing viewpoints. Make friends or join an activity that you wouldn’t ordinarily do. There’s nothing wrong with having close friends or a social circle with similar views, but without dissenting voices, you believe the entire world thinks the same way you do.
College campuses across America have done this by attempting to purge any dissenting thoughts or contrary political or social viewpoints. Hollywood is alienating several franchises’ fans by believing everyone wants to see diversity, inclusion, and identity politics in their entertainment. Athletes constantly use their celebrity to voice their political views when people follow them because they’re paid millions to play a child’s game. If you’re a celebrity or an athlete, people follow you because they like your work, not because you care about climate change or racial politics. Stay in your lane. People watch comedy, television, movies, and sports to be entertained, not to be preached to or propagandized. The irony is the people that accuse you of being a “hater” in their comments section can’t handle being criticized for politicizing every facet of their lives. I find most celebrities to be insufferable as it is. However, this is what happens when you make stupid people famous.
Stupid People Deserve Haters
Sometimes “haters” serve a viable purpose: calling out the bullshit in their space or calling out people for saying and/or doing dumb things. Every “influencer” and Fake Guru has once said, “I ignore my haters.” Then, two weeks later, they’ll say something stupid, drop some half-hearted apology video, and cry about how much they’ve learned and wish they could take it back. The apology video has become so scripted, cliché, and ubiquitous that people turned the “YouTube apology video” into a meme. The blog post on Know Your Meme states, “apology videos are a trope of YouTube posts in which a person offers an apology for an offense or scandal they’ve induced. These videos began growing so popular and numerous that they became a source of parody.”3 These people aren’t sorry; they’re mad they got called out and are trying to play the victim card. It’s a type of manipulation used to garner sympathy, likes, and views and often to appease sponsors. Stupid people deserve to have their feet held to the fire.
I discuss the flaws of the Male Improvement Space in Herd Immunity: Societal Deprogramming (and also here), but regardless of niche, it’s essential to call out the nonsense you see online. This stupid space is notorious for being overrun by anon accounts and people hiding behind fake names and cartoon avatars. It’s bad enough seeing all the anons in the comment section who believe they have all the answers. But most of the biggest names in the space lack the balls to put their real names and faces on their ideas. They sound big and brave online, but the truth is, they don’t know anything. There may be a handful of men giving decent advice in this space. However, the overwhelming majority of them are cowards and frauds. Do you want to take life advice from someone who doesn’t show their face? Do you want to take life advice from some anon Tumblr or 4chan virgin? The biggest names in this space don’t practice what they preach and deserve the criticisms and “hate” they garner. These frauds deserve the hate they attract, like a 90MPH fastball to the dome.
You will attract criticism, critique, and hatred when you put yourself out there for public consumption. It’s a part of life. You will receive criticism when you have thoughts or ideas that go against the norm. If you do or say something stupid, you should be called out. By dismissing all dissenting thoughts as “haters,” you miss the opportunity to gain experience as a person. Sometimes the criticism is very harsh and very unfair. Instead of hiding from it, you should develop a spine and ask yourself why mean words hurt your feelings.
Since when is pointing out an obvious flaw, failure, or critique “hating” on someone? The intent of the words can only measure hatred. When someone criticizes you, are they criticizing you particularly? Or your words or actions? There’s also something to be said about the intention of their critique. Is this criticism coming from a place of anger and hatred, or is it constructive feedback designed to make your message better? It’s difficult sometimes to measure the intention of another’s criticism.
I’d rather people hate me because my message is authentic than a fake version of me I put online for clicks and views. You must question everyone’s personality and genuine intentions in the internet age. That’s the game you must play, especially when you play on social media in the age of censorship:
- I’ve been shadow-banned on Facebook
- I’ve had multiple bad-boy “time-outs” on Facebook
- I’ve had posts and entire profiles shadow-banned on Instagram
- I’ve been banned on Hinge and Tinder
- I’ve had email accounts shadow-banned on Bumble
[2023 Update: I’m now banned on Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble. Only Upward remains…]
Does that mean I should dismiss everyone as a critic and hater? Who cares? I’ll get a new email address, take new pictures, and rebuild. If they ban me ninety-nine times, I’ll make 100 accounts. If they permanently deplatform me, I’ll build an audience on a new platform. Can’t do online dating? Perfect, I’ll get better at talking to girls IRL. Since most people choose to live a hyperrealistic online existence, losing their account or profile destroys them and, in some cases, loses them money.
You need to live your life following your values and beliefs. Sometimes that means saying something that steps on someone’s feelings. Lots of my opinions will piss off a lot of people. Who cares? A lot of times, it means catching hate from someone else. It’s You must determine any value from “mean” comments online. This reminds me of a great quote from The Rabbi in the film Lucky # Slevin:
My father used to say: “The first time someone calls you a horse, you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse, you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it’s time to go shopping for a saddle.”4
If you get a couple of stray comments online, it might just be “haters,” but if enough people say it, it might be true. Although consensus fallacy is a cognitive bias, sometimes the consensus gets it right. For now, understand that you need to stop being afraid of being critiqued and criticized. Learn to take it on the chin. One of the best lessons you can take from the Personal Development sphere is to develop a thick skin if you’re putting yourself and your creative energy into the world for consumption. Quit running from criticism; lean into it.
Frameworks
- If you’re creative or put yourself into the world, you’ll receive criticism and negative feedback. Some people will even hate you:
- Don’t be one of these goons who doesn’t read reviews or comments
- The internet gives everyone a voice. Learn how to mine those comments for ideas/content
- The better you get at separating good feedback from bad, the easier it is to create new content and fix existing problems
[2024 Update: If you enjoyed this article, I wrote a follow-up article inspired by Joe Rogan’s latest comedic abortion Burn the Boats. Now, more than ever, reading the comments could save content creators valuable time and energy]
DONE-JRE
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23 September 2024
Haters…are all failures. It’s 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.
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1 Altucher, James. 2013. Choose Yourself: Be Happy, Make Millions, Love the Dream. New York: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform. Quote taken from: https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/25205520-choose-yourself
2 South Park. 2015. Episode 1905. “Safe Space.” Directed by Trey Parker. Written by Trey Parker. Aired October 21, 2015, on Comedy Central. Comedy Central. Blu-Ray, disc 1.
3 Adam. [pseud.]. 2018. “YouTube Apology Videos” Know Your Meme (blog). December 10, 2018. Accessed July 22, 2021. https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/youtube-apology-videos
4 McGuigan, Paul, director. 2006. Lucky # Slevin. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, 2008. Blu-Ray Disc, 1080p HD.