Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not easy.1
– Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics
This technique comes with a warning: one of the best ways for men to develop their balls and backbone is to establish and defend boundaries. However, in training men to quit being a doormat, I urge them to practice going from one extreme to the next. I’ve noticed that when I had my “doormat” syndrome, the greatest fear came from public perception. I was terrified that someone would see me in a bad light. Most men are scared to scream at someone in public. Urging men who have never created boundaries to raise their voices in public is a risk on my part. I understand that some of my readers are on the autism spectrum and may take some of my advice too literally. I’d argue that over 90% of the Male Improvement Space is on the spectrum. I also understand that while integrating this process, people swing from having no boundaries to over-defending them. There’s an adjustment period.
I don’t urge any of my readers to become violent or react physically while defending boundaries. However, it must be stated that sometimes people won’t respect your boundaries unless you raise your voice, shout, or “lose your cool.” The key is to become so adept at controlling this anger that you never react violently. One of the best ways to prevent physically violent urges is to join a boxing or martial arts gym, as argued in Chapter 2 of Herd Immunity. As previously mentioned, when establishing boundaries, many men go from one extreme (no boundaries) to the other (a short fuse; prone to violent or verbally abusive outbursts). People become pressure cookers without release valves, building up all that tension and hostility, eventually exploding upon unsuspecting victims.
America has a rage problem. This is evidenced by an uptick in public shootings.2 This article is about rage and how, if unchecked, it will become a monster issue in the coming years. The label “incel” gets bandied about to sexless young men who violently take out their rage on their fellow men. I hope young men learn to understand the source of their anger and re-channel it effectively by establishing boundaries and not letting that rage build inside them. Everyone gets angry, and everyone needs an effective outlet for that anger. Use this technique at your risk and reserve it for professional settings, where people are sociologically trained to react passively. In the past few years, I’ve noticed that nothing resolves conflict faster than a quick temper. In an argument or confrontation, I start nuclear and then get calm. This is unnerving to many people because we’re trained to avoid conflict.
I learned this trick from a former mentor in education. On the first day of classes in every new semester, he would come in guns blazing to set a tone of “don’t fuck with me,” don’t text in my classroom and don’t talk unless you’re part of the discussion. The disruptive people or troublemakers dropped the class quickly. I rarely saw someone get out of line in his class. If they did, they probably weren’t there on the first day, so they didn’t know. For the rest of the semester, he was a nice guy, cracking jokes and getting to know his students unless someone made themselves a distraction.
I explained this tactic to the manager of a barbershop I frequented. The next time I came in, he approached me and said, “Hey, I used that tactic where you start nuclear and then get calm. I went to the hospital to get some answers about a family member. The next time I saw them, I was nice, and they were confused. But it got people’s attention.” Nothing commands respect and attention like firm boundaries. Sometimes people must express these boundaries harshly as a pattern-interrupt to teach themselves the importance of boundaries. The hope is that they course-correct and rarely need to become nuclear in the future.
Thanks for reading Herd Immunity! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
Nothing resolves conflict in a professional or a business setting like starting nuclear. I don’t believe in “corporate-style” conflict resolution because it results from females hi-jacking psychology and Human Resources departments. (I have an article on this Substack discussing my views on HR) Psychology has become a female-dominated field, and female methods of analyzing conflict and conflict resolution have become prevalent. Many men don’t know how to express themselves and their wants. Sometimes the best way to resolve a conflict is escalation. Fortunately, most people are pussies. You can command attention and respect simply by having a presence or speaking loudly.
If you don’t command attention when you speak, you’re probably speaking too quietly. If people have difficulty following you in conversation, you may be slurring or speaking too quickly. When I started meeting women in other countries, particularly in countries where English wasn’t the first language, many told me I spoke fast, and they couldn’t follow what I was saying. Learning to speak and use your volume, tone, and inflection are essential in the modern world. Communication is how most of you will make your living. Usually, sputtering indicates that they’re afraid they will be cut off in conversation or feel their words are unnecessary. When you speak slowly and deliberately, it conveys that you believe your words are important.
If you’re struggling to verbalize your desires, learning to speak confidently and command attention with your voice is crucial to your long-term success. In a world where the average person is more afraid of public speaking than death, you put yourself at an unfair advantage by effectively communicating your desires. In the romantic sphere, speaking slowly, with a deep, seductive voice, will change how women react to you. For more on this, I suggest reading the books of Alan Roger Currie. However, that’s a topic for a different day.
[Author’s Note: the recent death of author and dating coach Alan Roger Currie saddens me. I think he was one of the genuine “red pill” patriarchs and a rare voice of honesty in a space full of marketers, grifters, and charlatans.]
Many people like to tell men, “anger has no place in modern society” or “you shouldn’t be angry.” Bullshit! Nothing could be further from the truth. Anger is a fantastic motivator in my life. It’s about HOW you channel and unleash your anger. Anger, when conducted properly, is a godsend to your artistic hobbies and endeavors. For example, I played the drums for many years of my life. I never “beat” my drum set, but I used my drums as an outlet for aggression—the same as hitting a speed bag in a boxing class.
Having a healthy outlet for your anger prevents you from misdirecting that anger into unnecessary violent actions. You may need to escalate a situation as a means of ending it. Because most people in modern society are conflict-averse, sometimes simple escalation is enough to deter conflict. It would help if you never shied away from anger. Instead, find a creative outlet for said anger. I mentioned in Herd Immunity that most gun violence and public attacks aren’t gun or mental health issues but frustration issues. Too many men let their anger with society, women, and their shortcomings build up until they violently explode. I have a quick temper. I refuse to let things fester inside of me, so I decided to voice my displeasure with how I’m treated in these situations. When someone crosses a line with me, I want them to know at that moment, and I want to diffuse the problem before it gets worse. I go nuclear, and then it’s over.
While writing Herd Immunity, I went back through Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton on audiobook. Blanton dedicates an entire chapter in his book to discussing anger because so few people express outrage at the moment. I’m not a trained therapist, but Blanton is, so don’t take my word on going nuclear; take his:
The first blow-up seems like a nuclear explosion, both because of its magnitude and because it contrasts so dramatically with former politeness. After a little practice, the explosions become like conventional bombs, then like dynamite, and then like firecrackers. The eventual goal is to have hundreds of tiny explosions a minute, like an internal combustion engine. This anger is a good fuel to burn; it’s a source of creative energy.3
Anger is my favorite fuel to burn, even more than carbs. However, I take that anger and channel it into my work, hobbies, and my art. The dirty little secret is that it feels good to release your anger and frustration on the person who angered you. As Dr. Blanton noted, most people never learn how to express their anger or release it in healthy doses. These are the people in society who concern me. I fear that these men become the people you hear about on the news in violent acts such as road rage, post-accident rage, and public attacks.
The modern world tells men not to be angry. That’s a load of bullshit. Anger has its place. Don’t be afraid to respond to bullshit with rage. This is an essential step in establishing your boundaries. The world doesn’t have an anger problem; it has a misdirected anger problem. When someone gives you a load of bullshit, start nuclear. Know your limits and go a couple of notches below physical violence. Don’t let it get physical. That’s a no-win situation. Odds are, that person is conflict-averse, and the simple act of getting loud is enough to resolve the conflict. Once you’ve made your point, you can de-escalate and speak calmly and rationally. Few people handle conflict this way, and it works well.
I also make it a point to show the depths of my temper when I’m in a romantic relationship. When appropriately used with women, they understand that you’ll never be a doormat in your relationships. As Heartiste urges, “Show flashes of anger. She has to know you will never be a doormat.”4 I’m not advocating verbally or physically intimidating women. This is a sign of a weak man. I never tell men to “gorilla” or physically assault women. However, your girl should see you lose your cool every once in a while. It shows her where her boundaries are as a man, with the bonus that she’ll become aroused by it. Soon, you’ll have some of the best sex of your life.
I hope this strategy helps you establish and maintain your boundaries. Go and do likewise, gents.
Support Herd Immunity:
Get Herd Immunity: Mental Firmware
Get Herd Immunity: Societal Deprogramming
“The Nicomachean Ethics Quotes.” Goodreads. n.d. Accessed December 18, 2022. https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/2919427
Da Silva, Chantal. 2022. “School Shootings Rose to Highest Number in 2 Decades, Federal Report Shows.” NBC News. June 28, 2022. Accessed December 18, 2022. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/school-shootings-rose-highest-number-2-decades-federal-report-shows-rcna35638
Blanton, Brad. 2005. Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth. Stanley, VA: Sparrowhawk Pub, 137-8.
Heartiste [pseud.]. 2019. Heartiste on Game. Independent, 303.