The scariest thought in the world is that someday I’ll wake up and realize I’ve been sleepwalking through my life: underappreciating the people I love, making the same hurtful mistakes over and over, a slave to neuroses, fear, and the habitual.1
– George Sanders
[Author’s Note: This article was originally published and intended as a low-barrier offer (LBO) for signing up for the Herd Immunity email list. Since Substack allows creators to use this platform to build a mailing list, when you subscribe to this Substack, you’ll still be mailed this article. If you’re reading along in Herd Immunity, this Chapter fits after the second Prologue and before Chapter 1. It will also serve as a lead-in to future articles published in the coming months.
Future articles will focus on two major themes: (1) sleepwalking through life, and (2) dishonesty, in all forms, is a distortion of reality. Somnambulism fits nicely into both.]
Sleepwalking Through Your One Life
I spent most of my adult life adrift: aimlessly moving from job to job, studying multiple useless majors and career paths in college, and making the same mistakes over and over in my professional, personal, and love lives. I also wasted the best chance of enjoying maximum testosterone for building muscle by getting fat in college and staying fat for most of my adult life. I made so many useless mistakes in my life that the theme of the first draft of Herd Immunity was avoiding the same mistakes I made.
One of the reasons I can say that I’m qualified to teach young men how to craft a better life is because I made all the mistakes that a young man can make—the two apparent exceptions of getting divorced and having a child out of wedlock. Thankfully, I viewed other people’s relationships and decided that those two mistakes weren’t for me. If you have trouble in either of those two avenues, I’m not the best person to help you.
I wasted many years making the same mistakes and wasted too much time not having a purpose or mission. As such, I can spot the signals in other men. Sadly, many millennial and post-millennial men are suffering the same fate. Many of these men are adrift, purposeless, and are relegated to the passenger seat in their life instead of the driver’s seat. To put it another way, they’re living at the effect of life, not the cause. This is a terrible way to live life: things happen to you and not through you.
Because I kept making the same mistakes, I sought the help of mentors, books, courses, and seminars to improve my life. I spent thousands of hours consuming personal development content, thinking my life would improve overnight. Spoiler alert: nothing changed. Putting copies of Think and Grow Rich under your pillow every night will not grow your bank account. No disrespect to Rhoda Byrne and The Secret, but visualization can only get you so far. You’re not going to get shredded by visualizing yourself going to the gym three days a week. You have to pick up the weights. You’re not going to have a seaside manor and a fleet of exotic automobiles simply by visualizing yourself making seven figures every month. You have to make money.
I was emboldened by all my new-found knowledge but did fuck-all with it. That is, until my father’s cancer diagnosis. I mention this moment several times because I’ll never forget where I was and how helpless I felt. Even though my and my father’s relationship was strained for most of my life, at that moment, I would have done anything, said anything, and given up everything to help. Being powerless sucks, especially when you spend the better part of a decade absorbing tons of knowledge. All the knowledge couldn’t stop my father from getting cancer or dying from it. My father’s cancer diagnosis was the catalyst I needed to change.
I wouldn’t wish the loss of a parent, child, or loved one on anyone. Watching that person slowly withers away in front of you is sobering. However, if you experience this, odds are you will gain great clarity in your life. The COVID-19 Pandemic and subsequent quarantine was a monumental chance for the world to wake up. It was the prognosis America (and, to a greater extent, the world) needed to wake up and realize that all the collective knowledge was useless without action and that the systems in place did nothing to benefit the majority. Whether you believed COVID-19 is a deadly virus that has the potential to level half the planet or you think it is a hoax created to introduce 5G and a totalitarian fascist regime is irrelevant. The critical takeaway is that the world is forever changed because of it. Like it or not, there’s little you can do to change it. The world rulers, governing bodies, and existing structures will be forever affected.
Instead of examining these failing systems and making necessary changes, the world doubled down on its sleepwalking. This is not an article looking to debate virology or the necessity and efficacy of vaccinations. Other books will be written about these topics. It’s meant to teach misanthropes, slackers, and renegades how to thrive in the post-COVID society. Most people spent the entire pandemic saying such things as “When things go back to normal,” “the new normal,” and “Can we go back to the way things are?” In short—No! The world is forever changed. Sleepwalking through your life is no longer an option.
However, rather than being like the gawking masses going with the flow, you have another choice. Because you see the futility of keeping the current systems, you realize that new solutions must be created. Hopefully, this need for new solutions inspires you to gather the courage to make or take advantage of new systems. Instead of just being a ship without a rudder, or worse—binge-watching streaming content hoping we can “go back to the way things were.” Also, because you realize that you’re not a part of the old system, you see that it’s pointless trying to fight change, trying to “save the world,” or even trying to run for office to fix things at your local or state level.
If you’re like me and you’ve wasted years in your life “going with the flow,” I hope you realize this is the perfect time to make changes. I hope you know that you’re helpless to change the direction of the world, but you’re in the ideal place to create new systems for your benefit. Otherwise, you’ll have wasted the most incredible opportunity in your lifetimes to build a life for maximum enjoyment.
One day your life will end. Most of us don’t get to go out on our terms. Rather than fretting about failing systems, shadow governments, mask and vaccine protocols, or other problems I can’t control, I’d rather utilize my remaining years and structure them for the greatest happiness. So, if your life is fantastic, I hope you keep doing what you’re doing and keep it fantastic. However, if your life is less-than-perfect or absolute shit, this is the perfect time to fix it!
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“He Hit A Home Run, and He Didn’t Even Know It!”2
One of my all-time favorite baseball movies is Moneyball. If you love it too, my writing will resonate with you. If you hated the movie, you’d get sick of it even more by the time I’m done with you. Aside from being a well-written film, it follows the simplistic structure I outline in Herd Immunity. If you can’t change the system you operate, turn the system on its head. Or, as Billy Beane (Brad Pitt) states in the film, “adapt or die!”3
Rather than give a shot-for-shot synopsis of the film, I’ll provide a summary: After losing in the 2001 Postseason to the New York Yankees, Billy Beane, the General Manager of the Oakland Athletics, had a grim realization: I’m the General Manager of a small-payroll baseball team. Because I have a small payroll, I can’t compete with big payroll teams, such as the Yankees and the Boston Red Sox. I have two options: I can either ask the owner of my team to give up more money for payroll, or I’ll have to find a way to win with the payroll that I currently have.
Billy Beane recruits Peter Brand and, with Brand’s help, adopts the Bill James system of analyzing a player’s potential. Through this new system, Beane and Brand change how to scout players and build a roster on a fraction of the budget. As a result, they were the first team in 103 years of American League baseball to win 20 consecutive games. Sadly, the Oakland Athletics lost the following season in the playoffs again. However, the game was forever changed. After this season, Billy Beane is sought by John Henry, the owner of the Boston Red Sox, to become his new General Manager and rebuild the Red Sox in the same manner that he did the Athletics. While Beane is contemplating this move, Peter Brand shows him game footage of one of their minor-league catchers. It is a profound scene that illustrates this theme:
The minor-league catcher is overweight and terrified to run to second base every time he gets a hit. One day, however, he decides to risk it. After getting a hit, he rounds first base and begins running for second. He accidentally trips, panics, and scrambles back to first. In his panic, he missed one detail: the ball sailed 30 feet over the left field wall. He hit a home run and didn’t even know it. Brand uses this powerful analogy to help Beane understand that even though the As lost in the playoffs, he hit a home run and didn’t even know it. Beane turned down a $12.5 million contract, which would’ve made him the highest-paid General Manager at the time, deciding to stay with Oakland, close to his daughter in California. The Red Sox adopted Bill James’ system and, two years later, won their first World Series since 1918. Billy Beane is still trying to win the last game of the year.5
Billy Beane is misanthropic about the “medieval” baseball system: bloated payrolls, scouting, “buying players,” and how to win championships. Yet, he was still optimistic that the system he adapted would one day help him win. Whether the Oakland As ever wins a championship or not is irrelevant. Bill James’ system was adapted by other teams and became a success. Since the 2002 season, other small-market teams, such as the Tampa Bay Rays and the Kansas City Royals, have won the World Series. Billy Beane started a revolution in Oakland.
In your current capacity, odds are you can’t change the world. However, you can implement systems in your life that help you become successful beyond your wildest dreams. This is the basis of Herd Immunity. As a misanthrope, I understand that the world is not modeled for my benefit. If I wish to enjoy life, I must bend the world (or at least a fraction of it) to my will to gain maximum enjoyment in the least amount of effort. In role-playing game terms, I’m a “min/max’er.”6
If you’re unhappy with your life, there’s no time like the present to create new systems or adapt better ones. However, the first step in improving your life is being honest with yourself about the quality of your life in its inception. Who knows? You may hit a home run and not even know it.
A Simple Checklist
The following is a list of all the ways I could conceive someone thinking they have a shitty life. As stated above, most people have all the trappings of a remarkable life, and they choose to be a passenger in their life instead of a driver. Maybe they didn’t even make the conscious decision to do this. They did it because of societal programming, peer pressure, conforming to norms, “Keeping up with the Joneses,” or laziness. But as David Viscott wrote in his 1971 book Feel Free:
To live for the sake of appearances can be as addictive as taking drugs. It takes a lot of energy to keep up with the Joneses (who probably couldn’t care less). Often there is little strength left to do your own thing for yourself. More and more, it’s other people who supply you with your reasons for doing whatever you feel you must. And you duck the idea of making change for fear of what others might think of you.
And who are these “others?” If you look around you to count the people you can trust and entrust and if you find more than five, you are either very unusual or a terrific liar. So whom are you trying to please and why?7
My journey was one of mental masturbation: I kept reading self-improvement books but never acted upon the knowledge. I stayed safe in my bubble for fear of failure. I chose college and career first over my artistic passions due to familial nagging about job security and guaranteed income. If I can open up and be transparent with a total stranger about my shortcomings, why can’t you be honest with yourself?
If you read this list and decided that your life is perfect, you wouldn’t change anything, and you have nothing to learn from me, please stop reading now. Congratulations, you’ve won a rigged lottery! I wish you nothing but the best on your journey. For the rest of us, here is a semi-exhaustive list:
- You’re more than 20 pounds overweight
- You’re over the age of 24 years old and still live at home, despite havingat least an Associate’s or bachelor’s degree
- You have multiple children with multiple partners, none of which are in your life (other than alimony/child support)
- You have less than three months of living expenses in a savings account
- Your next paycheck was already spent before it was deposited into youraccount.
- You had to describe your love life as a movie or book title, and youselected All Quiet on the Western Front
- You spend more than one hour a day stressing or worrying aboutthings you cannot control. Examples include: an upcoming politicalelection, the weather, or how the next season of your favorite televisionshow will end
- You dedicate several hours weekly to binge-watching your favoritetelevision shows or movies to “unwind” after work instead of engagingin social activities and hobbies.
- Your main methods of communicating with other people or dating aredone electronically instead of personally
- You love to travel, but the last vacation you took was your tenthbirthday to Walt Disney World
- You feel an impending sense of dread every Sunday night around 7:30PM because you know you will be forced awake by an alarm clock verysoon
- You currently have seven (or more) bosses who email, text, and phoneyou to remind you of every little mistake you make
- You sit in more than two meetings a week that “could’ve been an email”
- You’ve ever contemplated suicide at work or after a relationship
- You use food, alcohol, prescription drugs/narcotics, masturbation/pornography, gambling, or any other combination of vices to “medicateyour soul”
- You always find a way that you’ve been wronged, or it’s always someoneelse’s fault
- You have a passion or a talent to nurture, but you can’t seem to findthe time, energy, or inspiration to nurture it
- You buy the latest new gadget, clothing, or widget to feel better aboutyour station in life
- You have low energy, low testosterone, or a low sex drive
- You’re always physically or emotionally exhausted. If you are notgetting enough sleep
- You’re not doing work that leaves a legacy, moves you towards a goal,dream, or purpose, or excites you and pulls you out of bed in themorning
- You are in a familial, platonic, or romantic/sexual relationship that isemotionally, physically, or sexually abusive
- You invent disorders, complexes, or diseases to garnish sympathy,victimhood, or take attention from another person that needs it
- You feel your life is a swirling vortex of entropy, and you can’t getcontrol.
- You believe your life sucks
If anything on that list resonates with you, your life (potentially) sucks. However, I’m here to help you. I believe that your mindset and how you approach life, work, and relationships shape most of your life. The good news is that most people reading this have the physical and mental capacity to make the necessary changes to fix their life. The good news is that you can make small changes that, over time, will produce significant course corrections in your life.
“You’re Not Gonna Fuckin’ Die, Kid!”8
Imagine joining a group of rag-tag criminals to rob a jewelry store. When you arrive at the store, instead of the heist going smoothly, one of the employees presses the silent alarm, and one crew member starts shooting everyone like a sociopath. In the panic, you steal a car and kill a couple of cops, you manage to escape, but in the frenzy, your partner gets tagged in the belly. While you’re driving the getaway car, your partner is writhing in agony, screaming about how he will die and bleeding like a stuck pig all over the back seat. What would you say to your partner to get them to keep calm?
If you haven’t seen Quentin Tarantino’s first film Reservoir Dogs, this scene is probably chilling and horrifying to you to read. For those of us in the know, you know where I’m going with this. Mr. White knows that without medical attention, Mr. Orange is going to die. However, because he is an older, seasoned thief, he also knows that panic is the exact opposite of what you need to regain control. In a singsong manner, Mr. White tells Mr. Orange, “You’re gonna be ok! Now say it… You’re gonna be ok! SAY IT! YOU’RE GONNA BE OKAY! You’re gonna be okay! Say the goddamn words! You’re gonna be okay. SAY THE GODDAMN FUCKING WORDS!”9
Mr. White drives Mr. Orange back to the hideout, where he passes out on a ramp. Before he passes out, Mr. White tells Mr. Orange, “You’re not gonna fuckin’ die, kid!”11
This is my message to you. Whatever anxiety, fear, unrest, and lousy situation you’re in now, I guarantee it’s fixable. If you take nothing else from me today, at least you’re not bleeding to death in the back seat of a car from a gunshot wound to the stomach. You may hate every facet of your life currently. However, the mere fact that you can read a passage from a book on the internet tells me a few things about yourself:
- You have access to an electronic device that connects to the internet
- You have access to the internet
- You have enough sense to enter an email address into a webpage on theinternet
- You can download a .pdf attachment and read it (or find this article from a hyperlink or search engine query)
- You have time to read for leisure
- You probably have access to clean water, shelter, food, clothing, and a
- means to flush your waste away from your clean drinking water
In other words, your life may “suck” academically, but you don’t have to run five miles to hunt your food, you don’t have to carry drinking water in a shit-stained bucket, and you don’t have to sleep outside against the elements. Your basic needs are being met to an extent. Assuming you don’t have a medical or birth defect, nearly every bad situation in your life is fixable.
Feel better?
It’s okay to feel stuck at this point in your life or trapped under a mile of nonsense. However, what’s not okay is wasting your one life “sleepwalking” through it, never having the stones to take any action, and always blaming other people or other situations on your life. Life is not a spectator sport; step up to the plate and swing for the fences. You may hit a home run and not even know it!
In my books Herd Immunity: Mental Firmware and Herd Immunity: Societal Deprogramming, I help men understand that being a misanthrope, hating society, and having a natural distrust for humanity puts you in a prime position for success. I also help misanthropes understand that even though the system in its current form doesn’t benefit them, it’s better to use your time and energy to create systems that work with you instead of complaining about society’s ills. I outline how society has failed the masses, and rather than being resentful or angry, I urge you to build a life that gives you joy and fulfillment. I help young men go from a disdain for people and society to learning how to love life and build deeper relationships. To “find your tribe,” so to speak. Whether you love life or hate it, one day, it’ll all be over for you. When given a choice between being a lurker or an active participant, I choose to play and win!
Most people sleepwalk through their one life because they lack the perspective to understand that they can change everything they dislike. Most people live several decades but are never really alive. They purposely dull their senses to the world around them, taking for granted all the curiosity, beauty, and splendor in the world. Save the sleepwalking for the zombies!
If you’re ready to take your mind back from the neuroses, the fear, and the habitual; if you’re ready to build stronger relationships; if you’re ready to stop making the same mistakes repeatedly; if you’re prepared to wake up from this somnambulate state, then join me on this journey. Otherwise, you can join the rest of the huddled masses, sleepwalking through the rest of your life. Let this article be your alarm clock if you’re ready to wake up. If you’re prepared to end your slavery to fear, then take the first step today to the proverbial rest of your life.
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1 “George Sanders Quotes.” A-Z Quotes. n.d. Accessed July 8, 2021. https://www.azquotes.com/author/12954-George_Sanders
2 Miller, Bennett, director. 2011. Moneyball. Sony Pictures Releasing, 2012. Blu-Ray Disc, 1080p HD.
3 Ibid.
4 Fadzali87 [pseud.]. 2012. “Inspirational Scene,” March 18, 2012. Accessed December 1, 2024. YouTube. Video, 2:11.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxJ0PGSJ-Uc
5 Miller, Moneyball.
6 Urban Dictionary. 2005. Urban Dictionary: “Min/Max.” eudas [pseud.]. Last modified July 11, 2005. Accessed July 8, 2021. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=min%2Fmax
7 Viscott, David. 1971. Feel Free. New York: Dell Publishing Co. Inc, 59.
8 Tarantino, Quentin, director. 1992. Reservoir Dogs. Miramax Films, 2007. Blu-Ray Disc, 1080p HD.
9 Ibid.
10 El Daro [pseud.]. 2019. “You’re Gonna Be OK! (1992 – Reservoir Dogs),” April 3, 2019. Accessed December 1, 2024. YouTube. Video, 1:30. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i85UlUkPv9w
11 Tarantino, Reservoir Dogs.