“Cameron has never been in love; at least, no one has ever been in love with him. If things don’t change for him, he’s gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she’s gonna treat him like shit. Because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won’t respect him cuz you can’t respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn’t work.”1
– Ferris Bueller, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”
[Author’s Note: This article is a chapter cut from Herd Immunity: Societal Deprogramming, written when I was a denizen of the Male Improvement Space. My views on marriage and child-rearing have softened, but I still have strong opinions about marriage. Since the average man doesn’t meet enough women to develop a filtering mechanism, he rushes into marriage, usually with the wrong person, and problems abound. I’m not anti-marriage; I’m anti-marrying-to-combat-loneliness.]
This article attempts to reconcile what value, if any, marriage has for the modern man. Many men wish to father children and continue their genetic legacy. I also understand that some of my readers may already be fathers. If I have children one day, I don’t see a value in involving the government in my love or family life. This is where I’ll extend an olive branch to the PUAs, the Red Pill guys, and even the MGTOW/MRAs and Black Pill guys. However, unlike the failed Male Improvement Space coaches, I’ll explain my arguments through logic and pragmatism, not failed relationships and butt-hurt. As a man, you would be foolish to allow the government to enter into one more aspect of your life with rose-colored glasses instead of logic and pragmatism.
It’s easy to dismiss my opinion because love and marriage are seen as emotional topics. This is why women are wrongly considered “romantics” in society. You have to take the evidence presented before you and decide whether or not you want to enter into marriage as a legal contract, a private ceremony, to father children, or to be a perma-bachelor. Whichever choice you make, do so because you weighed your options and made the decision, not because you knocked up a random girl and were forced to marry at the business end of a shotgun. You can’t enjoy the Post-COVID society trapped in a loveless, sexless relationship or paying child support and alimony to an ungrateful partner.
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Men Invented Marriage to Chain Women
Men are the true romantics. Although women believe, enforced by Hollywood and society, that they are romantics and marry based on love, this is false. In ancient times, when women were seen as property, a dowry was necessary for the bride’s family to convince the groom’s family to take her off their hands. However, since the Victorian era, the fallacious notion of “marriage for love” has permeated society. Even in the modern age, most women marry a man because he’s seemingly the best option they can get. If she can’t get the man at the top of her sexual list and ensure strong offspring, she’ll marry (or sperm-jack) the man who can afford her and her offspring the best potential life. Most modern women want the wedding to be “princess for a day,” and don’t understand that marriage is “‘til death do us part,” not “death or five years–whichever comes first.” This is one of the many reasons why divorce statistics in the modern age are staggering.
Think about this logically: why would a woman saddle herself with a broke loser if the love of her life proposed marriage? If a man were a great provider for her potential offspring AND provided excellent breeding stock, this man would be at the top of many women’s suitor lists. If you don’t believe me, ask some of your female friends, coworkers, and acquaintances why they married the man they did. I guarantee that unless her child(ren) were born out of wedlock, she chose a man that would give her strong, healthy children. Of course, as men, we do the same thing.
We see a beautiful woman with an ass like a nectarine, and we think, “Damn, I gotta hit that!” However, deep in our lizard brain, we think, “She has wide hips to push out my child(ren), so they won’t die during labor.” If you don’t believe me, go on Instagram or TikTok and look at how fitness influencers are built: giant asses and quads. They’re co-opting the fertility goddess aesthetics but aiming for flatter stomachs. I laugh when certain Red Pill dorks unilaterally blame women for hypergamy and solipsism. Just because they settled or can’t attract an optimal mate doesn’t mean that men don’t seek out young, healthy, and fertile women. Men choose these metrics based on physical measures more than provisioning options.
Why do women need marriage? It’s a legal contract that guarantees that her children will be looked after if something happens to her husband. So what does the groom get out of marriage? It’s time for another painful truth: Men, not women, created the concept of marriage. Weddings, particularly in modern times, are for the bride or the community. It’s an event and a celebration. However, marriage was created by men.
Women are sexual creatures, and women have more options for sexual selection than men. Even though men are seen as the gatekeepers of relationships (or marriage), women are the gatekeepers of sex. Most men know their long-term girlfriend, fiancé, or wife could find another partner if they left. However, most men also know that if their long-term girlfriend, fiancé, or wife left them, they’d have more difficulty finding another partner. Many of them wouldn’t find any. Most men marry because they are competition-averse and can’t compete in the sexual marketplace. Here, I must cite Pook, who wrote a brilliant article years ago entitled On Marriage:
But the point is that women, being entirely sexual, are locked within a prism of society. They would freely sleep with any guy of their fancy but the ‘slut’ and ‘reputation’ factor all come in. Thanks to this, women are bounded.
Men created marriage to bind the woman to her. The deeper you go in the religions and ancient philosophies, one will be struck by the ‘misogyny.’ But there is truth in it.
“No! Women created marriage to tie up the Man!”
Women wouldn’t need marriage. They have sex to use. And what do women want? Either they want pleasure or they want to be a mother. Marriage has nothing to do with either. Women can leash guys just through sex. (Thus, many women do not see marriage; they merely see the wedding. When you start to talk to her about the ‘marriage/relationship,’ she will start talking to you about the wedding!)
-It is women more than men who cheat (though, to be fair, this might be because they have more opportunities)
-It is women more than men who initiate divorce.
Many women can’t stand it. Monogamy is more against their instincts than ours. No one would deny institutions like the state, science, and all are MALE created. But so is marriage. Women are like the centaurs; they ride the beast through this world. They must be bounded.2
Although women love the romance and spectacle of weddings, they don’t need marriage. Instead, women know how to use sex to keep a man around. In many cases, women use the possibility of sex or the promise of sex to keep a man interested in her for years. It may seem a crude comparison, but women know how to use their feminine wiles to charm men.
However, it is worth noting that, as Pook wrote a decade ago, the overwhelming majority of divorces are initiated by women. In a 2015 study published by the American Sociological Association, lead author Michael Rosenfield argues that “women are more likely than men to initiate divorce, but women and men are just as likely to end non-marital relationships.”3 Rosenfield and his team found that women initiated 69% of all divorces, compared to 31% of men. The Stanford University professor continues, “Women seem to have a predominant role in initiating divorces in the U.S. as far back as there is data from various sources, back to the 1940s. I assumed, and I think other scholars assumed, that women’s role in breakups was an essential attribute of heterosexual relationships, but it turns out that women’s role in initiating breakups is unique to heterosexual marriage.”4
Knowing all this information before deciding to spend three months’ salary on a ring and ten years paying off a wedding reception only takes you so far. Many men know the divorce rate in the United States is greater than 50% and still have the ego to say, “not me” or, “Yeah, but we’re different.” Some of these men are still paying off their honeymoon while their ex-wife is collecting alimony and shacking up with her personal trainer. Don’t let your ego blind you. Even though men invented marriage to “chain women,” women are forging the keys and breaking free of their locks.
A brief point of order: just because women are more adept and incentivized in modern society to end marriages doesn’t mean women are always prone to cheat or will always end marriages. I’ve known many married women that confided in me that throughout their marriage, their husband ignored their sexual advances for years or lost interest in them. But, of course, this doesn’t excuse a cheating spouse’s actions. Also, it’s been my experience that a cheating wife often wants some fun on the side or wants to feel sexually desired but still stays married. Usually, a woman’s “cheating” is emotional: harmless flirting, “work husbands,” hypothetical trysts, or fantasies, but never acted upon. Many men are oblivious to their partner or spouse’s infidelity, only to have it smack them in the face one day, coming home early from work. Many men will also stay in failed relationships and marriages because they love their spouses and become comfortable in their relationships. To understand why so many marriages fail, I’ll first explain all the fallacious reasons why men marry in the first place.
Reasons Why Men Get Married
This section deals with the myth of “locking down a wife.” If men are poised to be divorced in 7 out of 10 marriages in the West, why do men get married? The obvious reasons are genetic legacy and a guaranteed mate. For most men, securing a woman to give them children is more important than the risk of being divorced and ending up in family court. Most men choose to get married out of desperation, not inspiration. They find a great girl, have regular sex, and he becomes lazy. I can’t speak for all men, but my effort often dwindles when I’m in relationships. Why? Because we already “have” her in a sense. I’ve noticed many times in my relationships that my girlfriend has also felt like she “has” me. We both become comfortable, and the relationship loses its spark. Marriage is equally dangerous for comfort. Ask any personal development “guru” about the dangers of “the comfort zone.” Not quite as dangerous as “the friend zone,” perhaps.
Men believe that once they marry a chick, it is a one-stop ticket to limitless sex. Unfortunately, these men are in for a rude awakening. Roissy, now known as Chateau Heartiste, wrote an excellent treatise on marriage aptly titled The Lie of Locking Her In. Men believe that once they put a ring on it, she’ll be wild all the time for them and only them. In this article, he outlines all the fallacies men believe about marriage and offers sobering truths to these delusions. I’ll purloin a few to and offer commentary and confirmation bias:
Why do men bother to get married? There’s really nothing in it for them. All that marriage offers a man can be had in a loving, long-term relationship. So why? These are the best
reasonsrationalizations I can think of.I have to lock her in because the snatch must flow
As any dead-eyed married man will tell you, the sex is always hottest until that first bite of wedding cake. Sure, marriage might mean fewer extended dry spells, and a more consistent output of pussy, but the quality of that output is going to take a nosedive.
Fact: Once in a secure relationship (and nothing is more secure for a woman than marriage–the law sees to that) a woman’s sex drive plummets…5
Truth. Many married men get relegated to “date night” and “duty sex” because the passion isn’t there. These women once bought and wore fantastic lingerie for their husbands, now barely undressing for the occasion because she knows it’ll be over quicker than the opening credits of Friends.
Fact: Once in a secure relationship (and nothing is more secure for a woman than marriage–the law sees to that) a woman’s sex drive plummets.6
I’ve seen the opposite; married women had affairs when their men stopped viewing them as sexual beings. I’m not saying that women don’t lose their sex drives entirely when married. But, perhaps, just for that man, as they become comfortable and routine. I’ve also seen instances where women enjoy a romantic style of “love-making” with their husbands but are embarrassed to share their kinky fantasies with them. Sometimes these women engage in sexting, phone sex, or act out these fantasies in extra-marital affairs, anonymously, or in person with another man.
Fact: Women pack on the pounds after getting married. What good is consistent sex if it’s with a hippo? No wonder so many married men sneak away in the middle of the night to jack off to internet porn.7
Ask some girls in sex work, and they’ll tell you that many of their top clients are married men and that their wives won’t dress up or have sex with them anymore. Unfortunately, I’ve also seen marriages fall apart because the husband got addicted to SeekingArrangement and used savings to masquerade as a sugar daddy.
Fact: your wife’s pussy will always be the same… If older men maintained the libido of their younger selves you’d see extramarital affairs shoot through the roof.8
There is nothing to add here. Variety is the spice of life. So why would men expect marriage to be any different?
If I don’t marry her, she’ll leave me. And then I’ll be alone
There are two things wrong with this reasoning. One, if you don’t have the confidence to score another woman in case of a break-up, then you don’t have the confidence to keep your current girlfriend attached to you…
Two, marriage is no insurance policy against being unceremoniously dumped. Maybe it was at one time, but not anymore. A woman loses NOTHING that can compare to what you will lose if she decides to divorce you…9
I’ve discussed both of these in Herd Immunity: Societal Deprogramming. Moving on.
I might not do better.
Sure, but then you could lament the same thing in non-marital relationships…
So… how is marriage going to save you from this fear-induced soul-searching? It’s not. If anything, marriage is only going to rub your face in your testicular impotence. If your wife thinks you can’t do better, she’ll begin to treat you like women treat every man who can’t do better – shittily…
She’ll stop loving me if I don’t marry her.
Assbackwards. Women don’t stop loving men for any reason except one – he turned beta. What about cheaters? Nope. Talk to women about their most cherished loves. You’ll notice something. Scorned women harbor their deepest love for the men who gutted their hearts.
Sure some women do eventually leave men when it becomes clear to them that they aren’t going to propose. But that’s not the same as losing love for those men.10
Both of these sections deal with self-respect. If you don’t respect yourself, she won’t either. If you believe you can’t do better, you can’t. If you’ve decided you don’t want to marry, and she wants to leave, it wasn’t gonna last anyway. You did each other a favor.
She’ll never agree to a non-marital long term relationship.
You’d be surprised how quickly women will agree to your terms when you have her gina tingle on lockdown. And if she doesn’t agree? Find yourself a woman who does…
I’ll just get married when I’m older. Late marriages have a lower divorce rate.
The reason younger marriages fail more often than marriages later in life is because younger people in their 20s have more options in the sexual market. Options = instability.
But don’t crow about the benefits of later marriages. For one, older women don’t have as much prime fertile years left in which to bear children. Two, later marriages often feel more like business propositions than ecstatic vows of love. That is not a good thing.
I’ll live longer as a married man.
Leaving aside that this statistic may be more myth than reality, what benefit is it to you to live a few extra years shuffling along painfully in well-worn slippers and gazing lovingly outside windows at youth frolicking with the joy of health and vigor? My take on getting older: It’s immortality or bust.11
These three points relate to playing the percentages. First, basing future happiness on a current relationship is always terrible. I understand why some people get married young, and I also understand why many wait until they’re older, but to do so because you’re lonely or to avoid becoming a terrible statistic is not a reason to enter into a legal agreement with someone.
It’s the right thing to do.
Right thing? I don’t give a shit…
It’s good for society.
You’re right, it is. But since when did society give a fuck about you?
But I really love her.
Did you not really love her before you dropped to one knee?12
These three sections relate to other people’s happiness. Who cares if it’s good for her or good for society? Last time I checked, it’s your relationship and marriage too! Is it good for you? Is it what you want? The right thing to do is to live following your values.
I want to have kids.
This might be the only halfway acceptable reason to get married. If you want the best for your kids, raising them in a broken home is not the way to do it. But even here, women have the upper hand…13
I’ll discuss marriage for children later. However, the one truth to surmise from Roissy’s article is that most men enter marriage out of desperation or fear of loss, not inspiration. I hope every man reading this understands this and doesn’t bend the knee out of desperation. If you’re worried you’ll lose her, you never had her.
The Puzzle of Monogamous Marriage
This raises an excellent question–is monogamy a requirement for marriage? In western cultures, cuckoldry, polyamory, and polygyny are rising in popularity. However, if we examine extra-marital relationships and even bigamy/polygyny, these were cultural norms and still are in many places. In other faiths, the concept of multiple brides has survived modern culture. In Mormonism, bigamy and polygamy were practiced, and certain sects still practice polygamy today.14 In Islam, men can have up to four wives, which is still practiced today.15 Keep in mind that this was the norm in many eastern faiths and monotheism. The Old Testament and Torah note examples of multiple wives and concubinage from the Patriarchs through the fall of Judah. Although we understand that the official view of the Bible is one man, one wife, history and primary documents showcase many examples of the contrary. But is this true in modern times, with state- and church-endorsed monogamy?
In a 2012 study published by The Royal Society, researchers Joseph Henrich, Robert Boyd, and Peter J. Richardson argue that “the norms and institutions that compose the modern package of monogamous marriage have been favored by cultural evolution because of their group-beneficial effects–promoting success in inter-group competition.”16 This paper also makes a firm distinction between mating strategies, and marriage systems, noting:
…the mating strategies of men and women differ. Like many mammals, human females invest more heavily in their offspring than males. Humans also pair-bond – both monogamous and polygamously – in collaborations that encourage more extensive male parental investment and a division of labour… When competition for mates is fierce, less-attractive, low-status men risk being shut out entirely from mating.17
When discussing female mating strategies, Henrich et al. state:
Women also possess flexible mating strategies. However, their direct fitness is limited to the number of children they can bear and rear. For our purposes, when males vary substantially in status (based on skill, resources, power, etc.), women prefer higher-status males as long-term pair-bonded partners, though they may also seek ‘good genes’ via extra-pair copulations when pair-bonded to a low-quality male. Polygynous pair-bonding is more acceptable to women than is polyandrous pair-bonding to men. Polyandrous men face paternity uncertainty—they are rather uncertain about which children are theirs—and must compete for their mate’s limited reproductive capacities (gestation, lactation, etc.). Polygynously mated women face neither maternal uncertainty nor (usually) competition for their mate’s essentially unlimited sperm. This implies that under conditions in which men vary substantially in status, polygynous pair-bonding is a likely outcome of both male and female mating choices.18
As competition increases and perceived status increases lessen the average male’s status via social media, most men will be fortunate if they can find one mate to pair bond. Many men will be seen as “last resort” to raise and provide for their children. This also hurts females, however. Suppose a few choice men are chosen to father tens, if not hundreds, of children with a plurality of women without provisioning. In that case, this creates a massive burden on the welfare and child-rearing systems, respectively. Many men have several kids with several baby-mamas and have neither the money nor desire to be present in their children’s lives. The question remains: will this become state-sponsored? I doubt it. Family court and legislation exist to lessen women’s burden and to provide them with direct provisioning (alimony; child support) in cases of divorce or abandonment.
According to this 2012 study, nearly 85% of modern marriages are non-monogamous. According to Table 2, in over 1,200 societies studied, only 186 households were monogamous. When they break down polygynous households, the most significant chunks were frequent polygyny (48%) and occasional polygyny (37%).19
Most people don’t understand that monogamous relationships and marriages are relics of the Victorian era in Western culture. As we become more selfish and spoiled-for-choice in dating plurality, I expect most men to accept and even play a role in their cuckoldry. In many cases, the victims in marriage and relationships are the children. Next, I’ll assuage Helen Lovejoy’s fears and “think of the children.”
Children, Paternity, and Fatherhood
Historically, marriage was the best way to secure a virgin bride, particularly in arranged marriages. Virginity was sought before in-utero DNA testing because it assured men that their wife’s children were theirs. For most of history, most men, especially rulers, had no interest in another man’s child. When studying history in most cultures, most rulers had harems and mistresses, but only the children from their wives were considered “legitimate” heirs to the throne. Many legitimate and illegitimate claimants tried to take the throne when a ruler died. Women did their best to ensure their child was “next-in-line” to the throne. While I’m not a king or emperor (yet), I have zero desire to raise another man’s child(ren).
I understand some men in this world would love the opportunity to be a father, especially if they are infertile. I have the utmost respect for these men. Society would say they’re better men than me. In a utopian society, these men would save the day for many kids and give many children the father figure they desperately need. However, in reality, many of these men get treated like shit by their wives and step-children. Children deserve much better than to be a “drunken mistake” shackled to miserable parents who hate their co-parents. I’m incredibly fortunate that I never had to experience this, as I’ve had great relationships with my biological and step-parents, respectively.
It would also be hypocritical of me to force women to be “barefoot and pregnant,” shackled to the stove, while I encourage all men to “sow their wild oats.” It’s every individual’s choice to be a parent. However, I urge you not to make this decision lightly.
Some people believe that it is better to “stay together for the kids” because, as I mentioned, raising children in a broken home is less advantageous. However, can it be healthy for the kids if the first romantic relationship they see (their parents) is filled with constant anger, bitterness, resentment, verbal confrontation, emotional abuse, or even physical violence? If you’re terrible together, breaking up might still be best. However, it’s more advantageous never to put yourself in that situation.
If you wish to have children, rather than being legally married to your partner, I urge men to have a private ceremony, a wedding, without ever involving the government. I say this knowing that state and federal governments sometimes make it more difficult for unmarried parents versus married parents. However, you owe it to yourself and your child(ren) not to put yourself and them through the divorce system. I’m fortunate that I never had to go through child court and adoption hearings, but I did have to go to custody hearings, which was gut-wrenching for my father. Many good men in this world wish to do right by their children and are taken advantage of by a scorned ex and a greedy court system. In some states, just by staying in the relationship, men can be labeled as caregivers without being biological fathers and be on the hook for alimony and child support. This is a major decision that shouldn’t be entered into without serious soul-searching. Don’t let a drunken mistake or “I don’t want to pull out” ruin others’ lives.
Final Thoughts
I understand my views are more fatalistic and pessimistic regarding marriage and divorce. That’s my cross to bear. As I get older and my priorities change, it’s fun to see how writing this book made me rethink some things. Regardless of my opinions, going into a relationship, particularly a long-term relationship with rose-colored glasses, is a recipe for disaster. It’s up to you and you alone to decide your goals for marriage and family. Don’t allow yourself to be blind-sided by a positive pregnancy test. If your girl surprises you one day with a positive pregnancy test, demand an in-utero paternity test be done. How many professional athletes must be blindsided by paternity fraud before men take reproduction seriously? Not every woman is this sadistic, but there are instances of women getting impregnated by another man, knowing that her boyfriend was not the biological father of her child, marrying him, and later divorcing him. That man invested many years in that woman and another man’s children thinking they were his own. According to a 2007 Men’s Health magazine article, more than one million men unknowingly invest their love, time, and money into a child that is not their own. According to the article:
Some call this paternity fraud. But a more accurate term is “paternal discrepancy.” Paternity fraud emphasizes the financial aspect of the phenomenon, but paternal discrepancy (PD) describes the anomaly itself–the disconnect between what men think is true and the genetic reality. And research shows that it’s a lot more common than we might believe.
After recently reviewing 67 studies on the subject, University of Oklahoma researchers found that PD rates tend to be much higher among men who have reason to believe there’s been more than one dog in the yard. No surprise there. But leave out these men and you end up with a number that can safely be assumed to represent the rest of us. That number is 3.85 percent. Another review of 19 studies by a group at Liverpool John Moores University backs this up, putting the figure at 3.7 percent of dads. It may not seem like a lot – until you do the math. According to a 2005 U.S. Census Bureau report, there are 27,940,000 fathers nationwide with a child under 18. That means over a million guys out there are taking care of some other man’s kid.21
I argue that “paternity fraud” isn’t used because fraud is a felony if convicted. In a family-court system designed to extract as many resources from fathers as possible, I wish these slighted men the best of luck in proving fraud took place. A DNA test may prove the child is not biologically yours, but in many cases, you could be held culpable simply by your relationship with the child’s mother.
I can’t, in good faith, urge men to spend their early, energy-filled years building an empire only to turn 35 and wake up one day with divorce papers delivered with their morning coffee. Or worse, be at a baseball game, and find out there is another man in the bleachers that looks more like your “son” than you do, cheering harder for him than you are.22 Modern marriage has devolved into a three-headed Cerberus of wealth-extraction: the wedding, divorce court, and family court. If you choose to get married, understand that the odds are against you.
One interesting aspect of the COVID-19 Pandemic was the number of celebrity marriages exposed as failures. They say external stressors expose the flaws of many systems and relationships. Being forced to spend copious amounts of time revealed a lot of partners’ flaws. For weeks everyone discussed the Will Smith and Jade Pinkett-Smith interview; even though legally speaking, they have remained together, I would bet any of my fortune that her “entanglement” resulted from losing respect for Will. [Since this article was written, August has come out of the closet. Between this and Will Smith slapping Chris Rock, my theory is that Will is gay and is staying with Jada because she’s the beard. I have no proof of this, however] A woman may remain married to you, but once she loses all respect for you, that relationship is over. I urge men, especially if cheated on, to break up.
Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos, two wealthiest, most successful men in modern society, found themselves in divorce court. Elon Musk has been married thrice; divorced thrice. I’m not against a man building an ideal life for himself and bringing a woman along for the ride. However, understand that not every woman is looking to build an empire. This is why vetting and boundaries are crucial. Men that lack a substantial filtering mechanism risk falling for a woman that plays the game better than them.
Love is a powerful emotion that clouds your judgment. I can love a woman passionately, but it doesn’t mean I wish to spend the rest of my life with her. It also doesn’t mean I only want to be with one woman for the rest of my life. Like the Ferris Bueller quote in the header, most guys are so happy to have their manhood tickled that they blindly strap themselves to a doomed rocket without proper screening. You don’t know what a quality mate looks like without cursory experience. To quote Pook once again, “The problem is not marriage; it is the woman you marry. BE PICKY. Figure out YOURSELF and what YOU WANT, and GO GET IT. Aim for similar life views.”23 If you still wish to marry after reading all this, please do. Take responsibility for your choices.
My advice for all men who wish to have the trappings of marriage without the pitfalls is as follows: live in a state or country that doesn’t have Common-law Marriage and instead engage in a long-term cohabitating relationship. You can still raise children in this house with two caring parents. You’ll avoid many of the negatives of marriage: the wife getting fatter, diminishing returns on sex and lust, and your child(ren) being raised by the State.
Long-term relationships and child-rearing are two of the most important decisions you’ll make, so you best make damn sure you’re the one deciding. Don’t let these decisions be made for you. If you don’t want to get married or have children, I strongly urge men to have a vasectomy. Whatever monetary cost or temporary physical discomfort will be worth the long-term peace of mind.
Lastly, keep an open mind. You may despise the notion of marriage and child-rearing for the first four decades of your life and one day decide you want both. Luckily, sperm can be frozen, and most vasectomies are reversible. Don’t get married and have kids just because your family, religion, or culture tells you what to do. Sometimes being a contrarian, keeping an open mind, and dating puts you in the best position for marriage and fatherhood later in life. There’s an excellent quote on marriage attributed to Socrates:
By all means, marry.
If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.24
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1 Hughes, John, director. 1986. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Paramount Pictures, 2020. Blu-Ray Disc, 1080p HD.
2 Pook [pseud.]. 2019. “On Marriage” in The Book of Pook. https://bookofpook.com/on-marriage/
3 American Psychological Association. 2015. “Women More Likely Than Men to Initiate Divorces, But Not Non-Marital Breakups.” Science Daily. August 22, 2015. Accessed September 9, 2021. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/08/150822154900.htm
4 Ibid.
5 Heartiste [pseud.]. Heartiste on Game, 262-3
6 Ibid., 263.
7 Ibid.
8 Ibid.
9 Ibid.
10 Ibid., 263-4.
11 Ibid., 264-5.
12 Ibid., 265.
13 Ibid.
14 Wikipedia. 2021. “Wikipedia: Mormonism and Polygamy.” Wikimedia Foundation. Last modified September 4, 2021, 19:51. Accessed September 10, 2021. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mormonism_and_polygamy#Reasons_for_polygamy
15 Islam Religion. 2006. “An Introduction to Polygamy in Islam.” May 21, 2006. Accessed September 10, 2021. https://www.islamreligion.com/articles/325/an-introduction-to-polygamy-in-islam/
16 Henrich, Joseph, Robert Boyd, and Peter J. Richerson. 2012. “The Puzzle of Monogamous Marriage.” The Royal Society Publishing. Vol. 367, No. 1589: https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rstb.2011.0290
17 Ibid.
18 Ibid.
19 Ibid.
20 The Simpsons. 1996. Episode 3F20. “Much Apu About Nothing.” Directed by Susie Dietter. Written by David S. Cohen. Aired May 5, 1996, on Fox. 20th Century Fox. DVD, disc 4.
21 Broudy, Oliver. 2007. “Are You Raising Another Man’s Child?” Men’s Health. March 6, 2017. Accessed September 10, 2021. https://www.menshealth.com/trending-news/a19543127/fathers-and-kids-parenting-fraud/
22 Ibid.
23 Pook, The Book of Pook.
24 “Socrates Quotable Quotes” Goodreads. n.d. Accessed September 10, 2021. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/17456-by-all-means-marry-if-you-get-a-good-wife